Vicious Cycle

When I was just a baby learning to talk, my parents taught me how to speak in Spanish. So, every word I said up until I was about four years old was in Spanish. This was both an advantage and a disadvantage. I was born and raised in Florida, where, obviously, everyone speaks in English. I started school and had to immediately learn, on top of my shapes, numbers, and colors, how to speak in English. Ever since then, English has been the language that I feel the most comfortable speaking and writing in. Aunque el espanol me sale algunas veces, el ingles es mi lengua principal. It turned out well in the end though because I am bilingual and can speak two very important languages fluently. Still though, I will definitely ALWAYS prefer speaking in English over Spanish. I guess you could say I find a home in it. Even when I am speaking Spanish, I sometimes turn back to English for certain words because I cannot find the right way to express myself in Spanish. I think everyone can agree that they feel the most comfortable speaking in the language they know best. Eva Hoffman states this bold and clear in a quote from Lost in Translation, “we want to be at home in our tongue.” In it, she relates her struggles in finding “a home” in two distinct languages that she grew up speaking. She moved from Poland to Canada when she was about fourteen years old, and had to undergo some serious culture changes. She felt lost, confused, and out of place. In one part, she compares the extreme culture change to skipping rope in jumping from one continent to another. How is she expected to just switch from a Polish to an American lifestyle overnight and know exactly what to do? This is scary… and can be embarrassing. The poor girl did not even shave her armpits! I cannot imagine how humiliating that must’ve been for her… See, the differences among cultures lie in what they view as acceptable and unacceptable. The phrase “you’re welcome” is accepted as a polite way to respond to “thank you” for Americans, but for the Polish this would be completely unacceptable and rude. But this isn’t even the worst part… the fact that she cannot choose which language she feels more comfortable speaking in drives her completely insane! This makes her doubt her own identity… Can she really know who she is if she does not feel at home in a certain language? Or does language really determine who you are? These are some questions that I think she implicitly states throughout the text. I would feel so constricted if I did not have a principal language. I could not express myself in the way I do when I write these blogs. It is a very frustrating experience, especially for her since she states how important it is for her to speak well and not make mistakes. In the end, she describes a cycle of frustration and rage when one cannot express their feelings with words. Words are essentially a form of ventilation and therapy. Without being able to use the right words to express feelings, the frustration just turns back inward and builds into a violent rage.